Introduction

The (Not) Heroine Movies series produced by Nagoya Broadcasting and the Dub production company aim to highlight and explore the reality of women in contemporary Japan and offer a more contemporary look at romance. As of now, this series consists of three films The Nighthawk’s First Love (2021), Grown-ups (2022) and Shinya Tamada’s I Am What I Am (2022).

Review

During a mixer at a local izakaya, call centre operator Kasumi Sobata (Toko Miura), who was forced to join by her co-worker Kinuko (-), is suddenly invited by Sudo (Kou Maehara) to go on a movie-date. Yet, his sudden expression of romantic interest in her leaves her flustered and at a loss for words.     

Not much later, Kazumi’s mother (Maki Sakai) deceives her into joining a traditional omiai. While she intends to run away, her mother threatens to throw her out of the house if she escapes. Much to her surprise, the man (Kuu Izima) whom she is introduced to shares the same disinterest in love and marriage. She agrees to keep meeting him. Yet, when Kogure romantically approaches her, she reject him and confesses that she has never been able to have any sexual interest in others.

I Am What I Am is a narrative that, in an episodical-like structure, explores effects of the conflicting discourses concerning marriage and sexuality within the Japanese societal field. While each subject is subjected to those discourses – one grows up surrounding by the signifiers these discourses produce, not all subjects can assume such discourses as being part of their subjectivity.

Shinya Tamada’s narrative, first and foremost, illustrates that even though the social pressure on women to get married before their thirties has lessened, the impact of the patriarchal societal discourse concerning marriage and family  still echoes clearly within the interactions (Narra-note 1). In I am What I Am, this discourse resounds most loudly in the signifiers of worry Kasumi’s mom (Maki Sakai) directs at Kasumi (Narra-note 2). Yet – and this question is fundamental – for whose happiness is she desiring marriage? As should be evident, she does not seek happiness for her daughter, but for herself, for the image/ego she has within the societal field.

The need that compels her to pressure Kasumi to find a marriage partner is an effect of this discourse she subscribes to. The successful marrying off of all her daughters would allow her to fully realize the prescribed motherly ideal said discourse propagates. The confirmation of attaining such motherly ideal would be given in the imaginary interactions with other – i.e. in the conversations about family with other mothers. The true aim of Kasumi’s mother’s demand is nothing other than satisfying her motherly ego and obtaining the motherly image she wants to reflect to others. Her daughter’s subjectivity, however, is drowned and effaced by her continued pressure.         

The emphasis on the motherly logic, as determined by the slowly disintegrating traditional patriarchal discourse, is important in the narrative to highlight different and more contemporary perspectives on love and marriage. Kazumi as well as Kogure, the owner of ramen Shibahama, echo, via their signifiers and acts, that marriage and love has lost some of its subjective importance and societal shine. The hold of the traditional discourses on the subject has, in fact, increasingly loosened by the bursting forth the capitalistic discourse and consumerism (Narra-note 3). Yet, this loosening, as I am What I Am proves, does not mean that every subject has lost it interest in love and sexuality.   

The evocation of this societal and generational tension is utilized to explore the notion of asexuality. Rather than discussing whether asexuality is nurture or nature, I Am What I Am illustrates that asexuality is still disapproved off within the current societal field – it is refused its righteous place within the symbolic structure; the Other cannot accept it (Narra-note 4). Ex-porn star Maho Yonaga (Atsuko Maeda), who reconnects with Kazumi during the narrative, eventually confronts the political Other with its inability to abandon its ideological traditionalism.  

The societal tension also culminates in the riddle that structures I Am What I Am. Can Kasumi within this societal field where marriage and love still echoes strongly within the interactions of many find a time to assert herself as subject despite the Other’s demand? Or while she succumb to the motherly pressure and the marital bonds that are formed around her?    

Tamada’s composition combines long takes, static shots that often offer the spectator a taste of the narrative space’s atmosphere while framing conversations or acts (e.g. eating ramen in a ramen restaurant, answering a call at her work, …etc. ) and measured dynamic moments that are, in some cases, utilized to  emphasize the way the other’s signifiers impact Sobata as subject. The visual pleasure of the composition is, largely, determined by the pleasant colour-schemes and effective lighting-design. The compositional contrasts that result from the interaction between colour and lightning  do not fail to create nice visual moments within Tamada’s narrative.

Yet, in our view, the strength of the composition does not lie in its balanced nature but in the way the visual fabric supports the layered and nuanced performance of Toko Miura. Partly due to the compositional flow, the moments where Toko Miura’s performance truly shines are those that demand her to speak without words, to say that what cannot yet be vocalized with her body (Cine-note 1). It is thus by adjusting the visual flow in accordance with her genuine performance that Tamada ensures that the spectator remains engaged throughout the narrative.

I Am What I Am is an important narrative that highlights the difficulties and challenges an a-sexual subject faces within Japan. While the hold of the patriarchal discourse has loosened – decreasing the pressure to marry, the societal field resists the acceptance of what is, from a sexual view, radically other. The touching nature of the Tamada’s exploration – its power to emotionally resonate with the spectator, is not simple due to the way the narrative unfolds, but because Toko Miura, with her layered performance, gives the emotional struggle of her character its genuine flavour.   

Notes

Narra-note 1: One could say that the idea that woman who are still unmarried at 25 years old are Christmas Cakes – they cannot be sold anymore – still subtle persist within the Japanese societal field.

Narra-note 2: The story of Cinderella is exposed within the narrative as a product of such patriarchal discourse. One can thus assume that the success of this fairy-tale in Japan is due to  marital ideal it propagates and the support it gave to the introduction of Western discourses on marriage in the Meiji period.  

Narra-note 3: The effect of such societal change is that there are more marriages of love and more divorces or break-ups of disillusion. In any case, the decreased pressure of the traditional societal discourse grants the subject more freedom – more freedom to fall in love and more freedom to satisfy his relational needs in other ways.  

Narra-note 4: This societal unwillingness is beautifully echoed in the politician’s response on Kazumi’s version of Cinderella that screened in the kindergarten. The ‘solid values’ he mentions are nothing other than the crumbling patriarchal values within the current societal field of consumption.

Cine-note 1: Even so, Toko Miura’s most powerful scene is the dinner-scene where she imbues her signifiers with her subjectivity and on confronts the Other with her radical difference.